Cruel

Scene: Felon on death roll, an hour before his execution with 2 prison guards.

Guard 1: Any meal you want man. Name it. 

Felon: Double cheese burger with extra fries.

Guard2: Will that be for now or take-away? 

Culture

2002:

The last time someone said "culture" to me, was 7 yrs ago at my first job. It was a medical test which included a "urine culture" test, which may be ordered to test for urinary track infection. I remember being confused at the thought of, how my urine could be part of any culture. 

2008: 

5 women beaten up in Mangalore for ruining "Indian culture" by following "Pub culture". Shri Ram Sena (SRS) emerges from its cocoon like the serpent in the Aliens trilogy. It made sense to me, cause Lord Ram himself suspected Sita of infidelity and told her to take the fire test which in my opinion is tougher than the CAT. The difference being she took the test, passed, showed her husband the finger and left his to beat his meat for the rest of his life. Unfortunately the women in Mangalore could not. 

SRS has come up with a list of things that destroy Indian Culture. Here is the first draft:

1) Male chefs will be roasted alive. Men do not cook in our culture.

2) Male nurses will be castrated because....WTF, dude.

3) Couples found having sex with the women on top will be caned. 

4) Men and women found holding hands will be married off.....be it you with your sister, mum, wife or the arthritis affected grandma. (This is helping inter-religion/caste marriages though)

Hail men power. If you cant sleep with em, beat em....

"OCCIFER, I Dont Have Any Blood In My Alcohol Stream"

Does anyone actually mean it when they apologize to a cop? Why do people even bother to say crap like that. Just today i got pulled over for cutting a light and all i said (and i swear to GOD) was HOW MUCH IS IT CUZ I`M IN A LITTLE RUSH YOU PIG (you`re right i didnt say that pig part) and i slapped his palm with a crisp 100 that i`d withdrawn from the ATM.
I swear if theres technology out there that can capture the hidden smile of pure achievement i`d fkin see all his teeth.

Apologising to cops is the same as when people say "I'd love to help". THOSE PEOPLE NEVER HELP. Just once I'd like to hear someone say, "I'd love to help ... and here I go."